20 Years in Dark Sexual Psychology & This Is What I’ve Experienced (top 12 list)
Over the 20 years, I’ve had my fair share of bizarre, frustrating, and outright insane client encounters.
Here are just a few of the wildest:
The Sprinkler Saboteur: About 15 years ago, one client got furious, drove all the way to Medford, Oregon, and kicked in the publishing office’s sprinkler system with his boot and an axe. When I arrived, there was a huge geyser flooding the place. Thanks for that surprise, buddy.
The Senator’s Secret: Nearly a decade ago, a senator hired me because he couldn’t stop eating the literal shit of his dominatrix. He was desperate to rewire his sexual desires and break free from the twisted obsession. Politics and kinks — a combination that’s more common than you’d think.
The Russian Groper: Then there was the Russian guy who showed up in Santa Clara, grabbed my tit, and had the audacity to try suing me after. Little did he know, the entire thing was caught on camera — his sexual assault attempt turned into a legal backfire.
The Sex Slave Request: One man approached me with an outrageous request — he wanted me to turn his wife, who had a severe disability (parapalegic), into his personal sex slave. The ethical red flags were flying all over the place.
The Mormon Paradox: One client, a devout Mormon with seven wives, flies to Colombia once a month to get laid by trans women. All the while, he’s wrestling with his desire to be gay but can’t quite shake the double life he’s leading. It’s the kind of contradiction you couldn’t make up if you tried.
The Pedophile: A deeply unsettling one — a pedophile who purchased all my programs, only to confess his dark secret to me afterward, as if it was nothing. Chilling and horrifying.
The Priest: A homophobic priest sought me out, desperate to be ‘turned’ gay and trans, battling a deep internal conflict. That was a new one, even for me.
The Wrecked Friendships: Countless clients’ wives eventually got involved, and in many cases, these relationships ruined the friendships I had built with their husbands. When love and jealousy mix, things always get messy.
The Split Personalities: There have been more clients with split personalities than I care to remember, each one more complex than the last, adding layers of unpredictability to our sessions.
The Business Enthusiasts: Some clients have attempted to mix business with pleasure, wanting to invest or get involved in my ventures. Let’s just say that’s a headache I’ve learned to avoid.
The Incestuous Affair: Then there was the guy sleeping with his aunt while hiding his sexual desires from his wife. The twisted dynamics were… a lot.
The Duct Tape Dick: One man showed up at the office in Santa Clara with his genitals duct-taped, practically begging, “Please, please help me.” How did he think that was a good idea?
The Laptop Thief: Lastly, there’s the story of the disappearing laptop. A client gifted me one, only to later break into my car, shattering the window to steal it back. Thanks for the ‘present,’ I guess.
The Persistent Threat: Currently, I’m dealing with a man who desperately wants me to ‘make him gay.’ He keeps buying products, even though I’ve said no repeatedly. The kicker? He threatens to call the cops or sue me daily, even though he’s the one buying. Talk about a nightmare.
The Heartbreaker: And then, there’s the client I fell in love with, only to discover they want nothing to do with me. That one hurts in a way the others never could.
