“Amigo”
In his pursuit of deep connection, my amigo yearns for meaningful relationships where he can truly be himself. It seems that he repeatedly encounters women who unfairly stigmatize him, making it challenging for him to forge genuine connections.
Despite his genuine intentions and desire for emotional intimacy, he finds himself facing prejudices and misunderstandings that hinder his search for a deep and authentic bond.
With unwavering certainty, I know that love awaits him, ready to unveil its transformative power. It is not a matter of if, but when, he will cross paths with a remarkable soul who will ignite the sparks of connection and kindle the flames of a profound love story.
As I express these sentiments, a part of me senses his skepticism, his eyes rolling in disbelief. It’s understandable, for my words may sound idealistic or overly optimistic to someone who hasn’t walked the same path.
Yet, I remain steadfast in my belief, for I have witnessed the power of resilience and the transformative nature of love.
He also says he’s going to die in pain. I think that might be rhetorical.
And perhaps, as fate weaves its intricate web, I will be there to witness the moment he falls headlong into love’s embrace. In that precious instant, he will share with me the secrets of his heart, revealing the exquisite details that quicken its rhythm upon encountering the one who captivates his soul.
And I will write about his boyhood treasure for all of you to read. He will roll his eyes and say, “really Kel, that was our secret.”
Before my relocation to Tucson, a profound sense of isolation weighed upon me, as if the intensity of my experiences rendered them incomprehensible to those around me. Yet, a glimmer of solace emerged when he revealed his own journey through similar challenges, forging an indescribable connection between us. To find someone who not only understands the depth of my experiences but can genuinely empathize with the emotions I’ve endured has become a beacon of comfort in my life.
Throughout my path of recovery, which has encompassed navigating through a heart attack, stroke, and various other health concerns, as well as the loss of a significant funding opportunity for a startup, the whirlwind of a pandemic, and the heart-wrenching deaths of my lover and best friend within a short span of time, it often felt as if the world around me was gradually receding. The process of healing can be a solitary one, where the profound changes taking place within me make it challenging for others to grasp or connect with my evolving reality.
“You are too young,” they would say. “How did you end up so sick?”
“I don’t know…I just did.”
It was disheartening to feel disconnected and as if I were walking this path alone.
I vividly recall embarking on a drive north of Winnemucca, NV, venturing towards a natural wild preserve during the winter season. There, amidst the serene beauty of the surroundings, I found solace in the simple act of setting up a lawn chair and observing the gentle passage of clouds overhead. In that tranquil moment, my mind began to wander, reflecting upon the individuals who had left an indelible mark on my life.
Nancy, the woman who had imparted her knowledge of knife fighting, crossed my thoughts, reminding me of the valuable lessons and strength she had instilled in me. Doc, another significant figure in my journey, emerged in my reflections, triggering a flood of memories of his wisdom and guidance. Their presence, along with the countless others who had touched my life in profound ways, created a tapestry of interconnected experiences and lessons.
During this contemplation, a wave of despair washed over me, fueled by the belief that I may never regain my health and vitality. I may never find love like his again. I may never have any involvement in a start up that prolific. I may die from a horrible health issue and what I was experiencing never resolve.
The thought of walking away from it all, vanishing into the depths of the wilderness trails, to just keep walking until I died.
Yet, it was within this moment of vulnerability that I also discovered a glimmer of hope. As I gazed upon the vast expanse of nature, surrounded by its raw beauty, I realized that life is a tapestry of intertwined stories, and my journey was far from over. The memories and connections I had formed along the way held immense significance, offering strength and motivation to persist.
I observed the landscape, the barren trees stood as stoic sentinels, their branches reaching towards the vast expanse of the wintry sky. The frozen ground beneath my feet mirrored the stillness of my own thoughts, grounding me in the present moment.
The world seemed to hold its breath, as if time itself had momentarily paused, allowing me to immerse myself in the raw beauty of the untouched surroundings. For once, after all the physical and emotional pain disappeared, I wanted to see another day.
Amidst the loneliness, a glimmer of hope emerged when my friend entered my life. After many years of health issues and losing friends.
I finally have a friend who offers a genuine understanding and empathy that I had been longing for. I didn’t even know would exist.
I got down on my hands and knees and said, “Thank you God.”
Cherish the souls that grace your journey, for they are the threads that weave the tapestry of your life, adding color, depth, and meaning to your story.
