“Appreciating Fleeting Connections and Cherishing Life’s Blinking Moments”

Dr. Kali DuBois
3 min readMay 16, 2023

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In the realm of romantic relationships, it is not uncommon to meet someone you genuinely like who is the complete opposite of you. Despite your differences, there is a strong connection and attraction that draws you together.

In a perfect world, where human urges and desires were absent, you might have been able to provide them with what they want, even if it conflicts with your own preferences or values.

I’ve been in this situation recently. I really liked the guy. More than he will ever know. He was intelligent, attractive, kind and patient. But we had different expectations.

In an scenario, without the influence of personal desires and needs, you could have selflessly accommodated their wishes. You would have been able to set aside your differences and prioritize their happiness and fulfillment, understanding that love is about supporting each other’s individual growth and well-being.

When you have a strong sense of foreshadowing that a relationship with someone who is your complete opposite will not work out, it is important to listen to your intuition. While there may be a magnetic attraction and initial excitement, it is crucial to consider the potential challenges and long-term compatibility.

Recognizing the significant differences between you and your partner is an opportunity for self-reflection and evaluation. Reflect on your values, goals, and essential needs in a relationship. Consider how these factors align or conflict with the person you are interested in, who is your opposite.

While it might be tempting to envision a perfect world where differences can be effortlessly overcome, it is vital to be realistic and grounded in reality. Relationships require compatibility and shared values for long-term success. Ignoring or suppressing your own needs and desires for the sake of the relationship may lead to dissatisfaction, resentment, or the loss of your own identity.

By sacrificing your own identity and adopting someone else’s values, you risk losing sight of who you truly are and what you truly desire in life. It erodes your authenticity and can leave you feeling unfulfilled and disconnected from your own aspirations and passions. This loss of identity not only affects your own well-being but also impacts the dynamics of the relationship.

Leading a man to believe that you want the same things in a relationship when you don’t is a disservice to him because it creates false expectations and prevents him from making informed decisions about his own future. One where he could find the “ideal version of his desired outcomes.”

Furthermore, by surrendering your own identity, you deny the guy the opportunity to know and love the real you. Authenticity and individuality are essential components of a healthy and meaningful relationship. When you suppress your true self to fit into someone else’s values, the relationship lacks the genuine connection and understanding that comes from embracing each other’s uniqueness.

In the long run, this disservice can lead to resentment and a sense of unfulfilled potential. By neglecting your own values and needs, you compromise your own growth and may find yourself feeling unsatisfied and unfulfilled within the relationship. Additionally, the guy may miss out on the opportunity to truly know and appreciate the real you, which can hinder the growth and depth of the relationship.

Sometimes, the timing, circumstances, or fundamental differences prevent a relationship from flourishing. And sometimes, you have to embrace the love you hold for him from a distance and acknowledge that his presence was fleeting, like a mere blink in time.

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Dr. Kali DuBois
Dr. Kali DuBois

Written by Dr. Kali DuBois

Brainwashedslut.com - I own a venue in San Francisco that puts on comedy and stage hypnosis shows. I'm a PhD in psychology and I write books on sex.

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