Are You Really Into Him? Compulsory Heterosexuality
You think you want him. Society tells you that you should want him. Your mother, your friends, your favorite rom-com — all whispering the same story: “Find a man. Settle down. Be safe.” But here’s the real question: Do you actually desire him? Or is this just what you were trained to want?
Adrienne Rich called it compulsory heterosexuality — the idea that women don’t just “happen” to be straight. They’re molded into it. Conditioned, coerced, rewarded when they comply, punished when they don’t. Noam Chomsky would call it an imposed ideology — one so deeply embedded in the system that you think it’s your own idea. But is it?
Think about it:
🔹 How many women actually want the men they’re with? Really want — not just tolerate, not just enjoy the attention, not just feel obligated to want because society tells them it’s the right thing?
🔹 How much of your attraction is about him… versus how he makes you feel about yourself? The validation, the security, the checkmark on the “I’m a normal woman” list.
🔹 When was the last time you craved a man physically? Not because you thought you should. Not because it was expected. But because your body, your gut, your instincts screamed for it?
For a hell of a lot of women, the answer is uncomfortable. It’s not that they’re repulsed by men. It’s just… indifference. They do it because they think they have to. Because the alternatives — lesbianism, celibacy, or just straight-up rejecting the system — are harder. Less accepted.
And if you think I’m just ranting, here’s the research:
📖 Adrienne Rich, “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence” (1980) — A breakdown of how heterosexuality is forced on women through social conditioning, economic dependency, and even violence.
📖 Sara Ahmed, “Living a Feminist Life” (2017) — Explores how women navigate the expectation to desire men and how challenging that expectation is met with resistance.
📖 Jane Ward, “The Tragedy of Heterosexuality” (2020) — Examines how straight women’s dissatisfaction in relationships suggests that heterosexuality, as we know it, isn’t natural — it’s a cultural script.
📖 Noam Chomsky, “Manufacturing Consent” (1988) — While not about sexuality, Chomsky’s analysis of how ideologies are imposed onto populations applies directly to how heterosexuality is framed as the default.
So. Ask yourself again. Are you even into him? Or have you just been playing the role so well you forgot it was an act?
Want to learn more about Compulsory Heterosexuality? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compulsory_heterosexuality
