Betrayal Trauma in Cis-Male Sexual Relationships: Impact, Recovery and Healing

Jack returned home earlier than expected from a business trip, eager to surprise his girlfriend, Emily. As he approached their house, he noticed a car in the driveway. A feeling of unease crept into his heart.

He silently unlocked the front door and stepped inside, the sound of whispers echoing through the dimly lit hallway. Holding his breath, Jack followed the sounds to the bedroom, where he found Emily entwined with another man.

In that instant, the warmth and love that had filled Jack’s heart for so many years vanished, replaced by an icy, unrelenting rage. His world, once filled with trust and happiness, now lay shattered at his feet.

Men rarely talk about being betrayed by women sexually, as many men do NOT open up about such experiences. Let alone talk about intimacy.

I remember Greg, my oldest brother, the torment when his first wife left him.

He was the general contractor for the 4,000 sq ft mega ranch he built her with his barehands. Only to come home 7 months after completion to a “Dear John” for an electrician whom he contracted with. He took his revolver out and shot a tree in the backyard five times before thinking about killing himself.

He never remarried and he never discussed it again.

There are several factors that may contribute to a lower likelihood of men discussing their experiences of sexual betrayal:

Societal Expectations and Gender Stereotypes: Society often pressures men to conform to traditional masculine roles and behaviors, which may discourage them from expressing vulnerability or discussing painful emotional experiences. Admitting to being betrayed by a woman may be perceived as a sign of weakness or a failure to “protect” their relationship, further preventing open conversations.

Fear of Judgment: Men may worry about being judged or ridiculed by their peers if they share their experiences of betrayal. This fear can create a sense of isolation, making it difficult for men to seek support or advice.

Shame and Embarrassment: Feelings of shame and embarrassment can make it challenging for anyone to discuss personal and painful experiences, regardless of gender. Men who have been betrayed sexually may struggle with self-blame or feelings of inadequacy, which can make it even harder to open up about the situation.

Lack of Support: Men may feel that there is a lack of resources or support networks available to them for discussing their experiences of sexual betrayal. This perceived lack of support can create barriers to seeking help or talking openly about their feelings.

It is essential to challenge societal expectations and gender stereotypes that discourage open communication about emotional experiences, including sexual betrayal. Encouraging honest conversations and creating safe spaces for men to share their experiences can help break the silence and promote healing for those who have been betrayed.