Big Book of NLP for Sex… Dedicated to My Mother

My mother is my number one fan — she reads everything I write. Yet, as a child and adolescent, she was my greatest adversary. It’s strange how love and hate can coexist so closely.

I have just completed writing the “Big Book of NLP for Sex,” which I dedicate to my mother, Deb. During the process of creating this book, I wrote a poem to honor and reflect the values and identity she instilled in me and my siblings. Many of my sexual issues stem from the beliefs she passed down, yet she also imparted the ability to truly love and grow.

When I was raped, my mother picked me up from the police station and scolded me, blaming me for what had happened.

In my childhood, it was a common theme to be treated as the black sheep, to be told I was ugly, ridiculed, and forced to have short hair. I was constantly told that there was something inherently wrong with me

I was suicidal by the time I was six years old. Feeling unloved and unwanted. I didn’t know why I was put on this planet to be treated with physical violence and emotional abuse.

Constantly rejected, I often found myself outside, lost in nature and dissociating — a common response to childhood abuse. I would climb to the highest point, usually the roof of our two-story home, and sit for hours, watching the trees sway and listening to the traffic. Maybe, I thought, there was something beyond this reality. A different life, different lives.

By the time I was 14, I left home. Though I occasionally returned, I mostly lived with other troubled young adults and kids. One day, my mother threatened me again, saying I would never amount to anything unless I studied hard. Determined to prove her wrong, I threw myself into my studies, joined the Air Force, and left as soon as I could, never wanting to return to the life she offered.

Now, I’m okay. I have resolved those issues thanks to NLP. I spent most of my adult life researching and self-healing.

I love my mother and have fully resolved my anger towards her, understanding that we choose our anger and resentments. I have not had a relationship with my family for nearly 25 years, though I do see and speak with my mother. She has grown into a wonderful human being.

It’s important to take a moment to reflect on our earliest childhood imprints and recognize the profound influence our mothers have on us.

Titled: “Call me Mom, not by my name!”

It came into this world through her tears,

Through her blood,

through her bones,

And through her spirit,

to keep This weird child alive.

All she can do is love it,

Because it has five toes,

Five fingers, and green eyes.

She says, “Be this…do this… Look like this…don’t eat that… Sleep…your body…be a doctor… Go to law school…don’t piss in your Legos… Stop playing with yourself…I gave you everything…”

And she did, she kept her head afloat,

Riding a bike to a flower shop,

We all walked by and laughed,

She wasn’t a doctor, she wasn’t a lawyer,

She was a flower lady,

Who liked to water color,

And ride her bike,

And fight with her kids.

She beat us black and blue,

So we could see,

That we would be better

Than a flower lady who watercolors.

And rides her bike,

Because cars cost money.

Now she is just old,

Waiting to die,

Wanting love and attention.

All her kids, now doctors and lawyers,

Wish they were flower ladies,

Who liked to water color

And ride their bikes.

In the end, flesh meets dirt,

Through her pain and tears,

Her blood and bones,

We come forth through life,

Not just with physical form,

But with the values

Impacted by her fist And her need to expand.

A mother’s love,

expanding wide,

Accepts the oddities with pride,

For in this world, through her strife,

She gave this unique child life.

And all she can do is love,

With five toes, five fingers,

And green eyes above.