Collapsing Triggers from Past Abuse and My Journey Towards Healing

Growing up, we often imagine our lives unfolding as idyllic narratives, encapsulating joy, love, and harmony. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always adhere to our visions. Sometimes, it leads us down paths that challenge our strength, resilience, and even our self-worth. I speak from personal experience, having endured a marriage filled with emotional abuse, betrayal, and constant criticism.

I was married to a man who seemed to find joy in belittling me, constantly critiquing my appearance, my actions, my very existence. It felt as though I was trapped in a perpetual state of inadequacy, struggling to meet the ever-shifting standards he had set. The cruel twist to this painful tale was his infidelity. He sought comfort in the arms of other women while we were still married, shattering my trust and our vows, leaving me with scars that would take years to heal.

His father was his enabler, providing the financial means to allow his son to live a life free of responsibilities or consequences. This indulgence further entrenched his selfish behavior, creating a cycle of entitlement and disregard for others’ feelings, including mine.

In the aftermath of our divorce, I grappled with numerous triggers — residual echoes from the painful memories of our life together. Simple things like seeing a particular type of clothing, hearing certain songs, or even catching a whiff of a familiar perfume would catapult me back into the traumatic past. These triggers served as cruel reminders of the emotional torment I had endured.

The journey towards healing has been a challenging one. It has involved recognizing and understanding my triggers, the collapsing of these painful echoes from the past that sought to keep me shackled to the memories of my abusive relationship. Through therapy and personal development work, I have learned techniques to dismantle these triggers, to separate past experiences from my current reality.

One such technique has been cognitive restructuring, a form of cognitive behavioral therapy. This has allowed me to reframe the negative thoughts associated with my triggers, replacing them with more balanced and positive perspectives. This isn’t about denying the past or its pain, but rather acknowledging it and choosing not to let it dictate my present or future.

Another important aspect of my healing journey has been self-love and self-care. I’ve had to unlearn the criticisms my ex-husband ingrained in me and replace them with self-affirming beliefs. I am more than the belittling comments about my appearance; I am beautiful, worthy, and deserving of love and respect.

A crucial part of this process has been the realization that his infidelity was not a reflection of my worth, but a manifestation of his own insecurities and lack of respect for our relationship. His actions were not my fault, nor were they within my control.

This journey, while fraught with pain, has also been one of profound growth and resilience. I’ve learned to stand up for myself, to assert my worth, and to refuse to settle for anything less than the respect and love I deserve.

If you find yourself relating to my story, please know this: you are not alone, and you are not defined by the abusive experiences you have endured. With time, patience, and support, it is possible to collapse the triggers from past abuse and embark on a journey of healing and self-discovery. Embrace your journey; let it mold you into a stronger, more resilient person, and remember — you are worthy, you are deserving, and you are loved.