Every Man I Slept With, I Loved — Deeply, Madly, Completely…Even You Peter.
I have never had sex without feeling deeply for the person. Even when I knew heartbreak was inevitable — and it often was — I still held onto that warm, consuming desire.
I wanted them, all of them, fully and completely.
I have never shared intimacy with a man I wasn’t in love with — except for the time it was taken from me at 17.
Beyond that, every partner I’ve had was someone I longed for, craved, and felt an undeniable emotional pull toward.
One would call it “being in love” — a state of all consuming desire.
Now, you might wonder — why am I telling you this? Because sex isn’t just physical; it’s a state of mind, a growth mindset.
Can you heighten sensitivities, deepen sensations, and amplify pleasure without love? Maybe.
But it’s not the same trance.
Not the kind that takes over your body, your thoughts, your instincts — the kind where you don’t just want sex, you want her. Not any woman. That woman. The one who lingers in your mind long after, the one who feels like home and obsession all at once.
There is a profound and measurable difference between sex with emotional attachment and sex that is purely transactional.
From a scientific perspective, the presence or absence of deep emotional connection activates entirely different neurological pathways, altering the body’s hormonal response, psychological state, and overall experience of intimacy.
When a person is in love, their brain undergoes a cascade of chemical changes that heighten sexual attraction and deepen emotional connection. According to Fisher et al. (2006), romantic love activates the ventral tegmental area (VTA), a core component of the brain’s reward system that is also stimulated by addictive substances.
This activation leads to an increase in dopamine, the neurotransmitter responsible for pleasure and reinforcement, creating a powerful feedback loop where the mere presence of a loved one induces euphoria and craving.
Additionally, oxytocin, often called the “love hormone,” surges during moments of intimacy, reinforcing bonding and trust (Young & Wang, 2004). This neurochemical cocktail fosters an emotional attachment that goes beyond physical pleasure, making love-driven sex feel overwhelmingly intense and deeply fulfilling.
Conversely, when sex lacks emotional depth, these neurochemical surges are significantly reduced.
Young and Wang (2004) explain that transactional sex, which often involves emotional detachment, tends to rely more on endorphins and cortisol regulation rather than the deeper bonding chemistry of love.
While such encounters can still provide temporary pleasure, they do not trigger the same long-term obsessive desire and attachment. Instead, they often remain fleeting experiences without the reinforcement of sustained neurological craving.
This contrast in neurochemical activity explains why love-infused intimacy is often described as transformative, addictive, and unforgettable, while casual encounters, though pleasurable, rarely leave the same lasting emotional imprint.
The human brain is wired to sync emotions with another person through mirror neurons — specialized brain cells that allow us to feel what others are feeling.
If one person is deeply in love or in a heightened emotional state, it biologically influences their partner to feel the same. This is why sex with someone who is madly in love tends to feel more electric, more consuming, more unforgettable. The emotional resonance is shared, creating a loop of heightened intensity.
Reference List:
Fisher, H. E., Aron, A., & Brown, L. L. (2006). Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice. Journal of Comparative Neurology, 493(1), 58–62. https://doi.org/10.1002/cne.20772
Young, L. J., & Wang, Z. (2004). The neurobiology of love. Nature Neuroscience, 7(10), 1048–1054. https://doi.org/10.1038/nn1327
