“HOW FUCKING BAD DOES IT HAVE TO GET?”
In life, we often find ourselves at crossroads, torn between the comfort of familiarity and the yearning for something greater. I vividly remember the moment when I sat in my office, paralyzed by the fear of change, knowing deep down that my heart’s true calling lay beyond those walls.
After years of working in the field of sex, helping individuals navigate their journeys of intimacy and healing, I felt a longing to combine my passion for adventure with the power of nature.
For as long as I can remember, my heart had been drawn to the great outdoors and the transformative power of adventure. The lure of nature’s vast landscapes, the challenges of the unknown, and the profound impact it can have on personal growth and healing were undeniable.
For a significant portion of my life, I relentlessly pursued financial success. In my twenties, I established a company with a full staff, producing films, books, and various adult products that seemingly validated my belief in “this is how it’s done” and “this is the right way.” I tied my self-worth and definition of success to that lifestyle, convinced it was the only path to fulfillment.
In my mid-30s, I faced two near-death experiences within a span of five years. Alongside a minor stroke and a heart attack, these harrowing encounters with mortality ignited a profound sense of wonder. Despite the challenges, I emerged from those experiences with a newfound appreciation for life’s fragility and an unwavering determination to embrace every moment. I went back to finish a PhD. However, fear and the perceived stability of my current career held me back from taking the leap into adventure.
A pivotal moment in my journey for change came when my mentor, a highly accomplished publisher, passed away. This event served as my breaking point, the catalyst that propelled me to confront the deep-rooted misery that had consumed me for the past nine years. The source of my discontent stemmed from witnessing people neglecting the significance of their sex and intimacy lives, treating them as trivial matters rather than recognizing their profound impact. It felt as though I was futilely attempting to revive a lifeless horse, constantly beating against the odds.
My mentor was a compassionate man whose dojo I kept showing up at; dumbfounded that I found the money to pay him (there was no free lunch and there were no hand outs). He lifted me from the streets and offered me a chance at a new beginning.
The weight of past experiences weighed heavily on my young shoulders, with the scars serving as a constant reminder of the pain I endured. As a mere kid, I had no real prospects or a clear path ahead. I saw myself as nothing more than scum, overwhelmed by feelings of worthlessness and self-condemnation. But this benevolent soul saw potential in me, and beat the beliefs out of me and showed me how capabale I was, something I desperately needed.
In the lowest depths of my journey, I found myself living in my car, stripped of the comforts and stability that many take for granted. One of the most heart-wrenching aspects of living in my car was the presence of my beloved dog by my side. As I navigated the challenges of homelessness, the realization that my loyal companion was enduring this hardship alongside me added an extra layer of anguish. In our shared struggle, my dog and I made do with what little we had.
I had no financial means to pursue a college education. The decision to leave home was driven by a desperate need to escape the cycle of abuse and the overwhelming burden of mental illness that permeated my household. So there I was, in my car.
It was during this time that my mentor posed a question that pierced through my soul: “How bad does it have to get?” His words forced me to confront the severity of my situation and the dire need for change. The weight of my circumstances became a powerful catalyst, propelling me to reflect upon the depths I had reached and to seek a path of transformation and redemption.
In the wake of that haunting question, I took a bold step and walked into a United States Air Force recruiting station with determination in my heart. Recognizing that I needed a way to break free from the constraints of my circumstances, I made the life-changing decision to enlist. By signing up, I saw an opportunity to create a new path for myself, one that would offer stability, personal growth, and a chance to serve my country.
I developed values of being a “Patriot.” Here in the United States, we are fortunate to possess something that sets us apart — hope. Hope is a powerful force that fuels our aspirations, drives progress, and instills resilience in the face of challenges. It is the unwavering belief that we can overcome obstacles, create positive change, and strive for a brighter future.
In this very moment, as I’m seated at the kitchen table, I confront those pivotal moments in life that demand the summoning of courage to embark on a leap of faith into the next chapter.
Despite the overwhelming fear that may arise and the obstacles that lie ahead, I find myself at the precipice of change, where embracing the unknown becomes an essential step towards growth and fulfillment.
And his words still echo in my mind, “How bad does it have to get for you to change?”
Change is often a challenging and complex process that requires us to confront discomfort, face our fears, and break free from familiar patterns. Many of us find ourselves stuck in unhealthy or unfulfilling situations, repeating the same behaviors and expecting different results. But how bad does it have to get for someone to finally decide to change their ways? In this post, we will explore the concept of the breaking point and delve into the factors that can motivate individuals to make transformative changes in their lives.
The Comfort of Familiarity: Human beings are creatures of habit, finding comfort in the familiarity of routine and the known. Even when faced with difficulties or dissatisfaction, we often resist change because it challenges our sense of security and stability. It takes a significant disruption or a realization that the current path is unsustainable to shake us out of our comfort zone and prompt us to seek a different direction.
The Breaking Point: The breaking point refers to the threshold at which the pain or dissatisfaction of staying the same becomes greater than the fear or discomfort of change. It is the moment when the accumulated weight of negative experiences, consequences, or emotions becomes unbearable, propelling us toward a tipping point where we are finally willing to take action.
Factors Influencing the Breaking Point:
Crisis or Loss: Major life events, such as the loss of a loved one, the breakdown of a relationship, financial struggles, or serious health issues, can serve as catalysts for change. These moments force us to confront our vulnerability and can ignite a deep desire to reassess our lives and make necessary adjustments.
Unfulfilled Dreams and Regrets: As time passes, unfulfilled dreams and lingering regrets can accumulate, creating a sense of urgency to reclaim our aspirations and pursue a more fulfilling life. The realization that life is slipping away can provide the motivation to finally take action and make the changes necessary to align our actions with our desires.=
External Influences: Sometimes, the breaking point is triggered by external influences, such as feedback from loved ones, mentors, or professionals who recognize our potential or observe the negative impact of our current choices. Their insight and support can help us see our situation from a different perspective and push us toward change.
Exhaustion and Burnout: Continually pushing ourselves beyond our limits, experiencing chronic stress, or feeling overwhelmed can lead to physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion. When we reach this point, our bodies and minds signal that something needs to change to restore balance and well-being.
Embracing Change and Transformation: While reaching the breaking point can be challenging and painful, it also presents an opportunity for growth and transformation. It is a powerful reminder that change is possible and that we have the ability to shape our own lives. It is essential to approach this pivotal moment with self-compassion, support from loved ones, and a willingness to explore new possibilities.
The breaking point serves as a powerful catalyst for change, prompting individuals to reassess their lives, confront their fears, and embark on a transformative journey. It is a reminder that change often requires discomfort, but the potential rewards of personal growth, fulfillment, and a more authentic life make it worthwhile. If you find yourself at your breaking point, remember that you have the strength within you to embrace change and create a brighter future.
