How to Romance Women: Doc’s Guide to Turning Them Into Putty in Your Hands

You know that feeling you get when you see a puppy or a baby kitten? That warm, tender ache? Yeah, that’s the feeling we want — constantly. But here’s the twist: we want it paired with intimacy. You brushing our hair, running your fingers through it, tracing our skin slowly, deliberately. Reading poetry to us. Writing us love letters. Cooking dinner with the glow of candlelight.

I know it sounds gushy, but that’s what we crave. We want the things we read about in romance novels. The guy who comes over to fix the sink, glances at us, brushes our hand softly, and then — only then — kisses us, because it’s built slowly, naturally, over time.

It’s the kind of romance you hear about in old war stories, where a man writes to his beloved from the trenches, pouring out his daily strife, because he knows she’s back at home, waiting for him, keeping him alive in her thoughts.

This is the kind of romance we’re talking about. And I know it’s true because I’ve interviewed thousands of women. It’s not about the flowers you buy. It’s about walking down the street, noticing a weed blooming between cracks in the pavement, picking it, handing it over, and simply saying, “Hi, it’s nice to see you.”

Because when romance is missing, two things happen: the sex stops… or she starts to look at you with contempt. Romance isn’t optional. It’s the spark that makes a woman desire you, crave you, and see you as the man she chooses.

And when the woman you’re with starts looking at you with contempt, it’s only a matter of time before she’s looking for someone new. Do you know why women end up sleeping with their coworkers or that guy at the gym? Because he’s the one talking to her. Just talking. Nothing more.

Meanwhile, you’ve made it feel like talking to her — engaging with her — is some monumental effort on your part. If that’s how you treat the woman you’re having sex with, like being romantic or present with her is a chore, then I have a suggestion: walk away. Separate.

Find someone you can actually appreciate, someone you won’t take for granted. Because no woman deserves to feel like she’s an obligation.

Romance is not a magic, it’s a behavior, an action coupled with words. Sometimes those words are, “you’re beautiful.” “I love you.” “This is what I wanted.”

Unfortunately, I know this all too well. I was once married to a good man — my best friend. We eventually went our separate ways. He was unusual, perhaps even on the autism spectrum — an inventor who found it hard to express his emotions with words. But he had his own way of showing romance. He grew me wildflowers and planted our garden. He cooked my favorite soups. When I was sick and needed surgery, he took me to the hospital, stayed by my side, and cared for me when I couldn’t move. He sat next to me, reading me stories and holding my hand.

I think this is what women want most: intimacy. Real, deep, tender connection with the men they’re having sex with. On a biological level, I believe women often find comfort and safety in the presence of men — like in my case, when I faced a serious health issue at a very young age. There was something reassuring about knowing he cared enough not to let me face it alone, or that he stood by me when no one else did.

Yes, women like sex — but without that connection, it turns into something darker: contempt, unmet desires, and a kind of quiet psychopathy where both people feel lost and unseen.

So how do you create romance? How do you build true intimacy?

It starts with how you show up — with your presence, your attention, and the words you choose. Romance isn’t just grand gestures; it’s the small, deliberate moments that make her feel seen, valued, and desired.

Here are some language patterns to rekindle romance and intimacy… Start with something as simple as texting, especially if you’re trying to reignite that lost spark.

Affirm Her Presence

“When I look at you, everything else disappears.”

“I could listen to you talk for hours — you captivate me.”

Express Desire Without Pressure

“I can’t stop thinking about how soft your skin feels against mine.”

“The way you smile at me makes my chest ache… in the best way.”

Engage Emotionally

“Tell me about your day — I want to know everything that made you smile and everything that didn’t.”

“When you’re near me, it feels like the world slows down.”

You’re all inspiring me to write two books: one called “Women: Decoding Their Emotional and Sexual Desires” and another titled “Guy Land: Unraveling Male Emotional and Sexual Desires.”

Doc