Love Is Rational Self-Interest [Video]
Most people have been conditioned to believe that love is about giving yourself away — that it requires self-sacrifice, compromise, and the suppression of personal desires for the sake of another. But what if that’s a deeply flawed idea? What if love, instead of being an act of duty, is actually an act of self-affirmation?
Ayn Rand shattered the conventional myths about love. She argued that love is not a burden, not a test of endurance, and certainly not about martyrdom. Instead, she wrote:
“To say ‘I love you’ one must first know how to say the ‘I.’”
Love, in its truest form, is an expression of who you are and what you value. It is not about needing someone to complete you — it is about choosing someone who reflects the highest vision of yourself. It is selfish, not in the petty, destructive sense, but in the sense that it is an act of profound self-respect. To love someone is to say: You represent the values I cherish. You enhance my life. You are worthy of my time, energy, and devotion.
And yet, society tells us that love must be selfless — that to truly love, we must give without expectation, endure without reward, and stay even when it diminishes us. But why? Why should love require suffering? Why should it demand that you place another’s happiness above your own? Rand rejected this notion entirely. She saw love as a transaction of values, where each partner uplifts and enriches the other — where the relationship is a source of strength, not depletion.
So ask yourself:
Do you love because you feel you should — or because the person reflects your highest ideals?
Are you in relationships that nourish your existence, or ones that drain you in the name of “compromise”?
Do you see love as a celebration of your values, or as a sacrifice of them?
Valentine’s Day, when understood through Rand’s philosophy, isn’t about duty-bound displays of affection. It is about honoring the conscious choice of love — a love that empowers you, reflects your deepest values, and makes your existence richer.
Anything less isn’t love. It’s obligation.
Kali DuBois
