“Luigi Mangione Scores More Pussy in Prison Than You’ll Ever See on the Outside”
Let’s get something straight: Luigi Mangione isn’t just surviving behind bars — he’s thriving. Women from all corners of the internet are throwing their bras, panties, and dignity at him like he’s the second coming of Mick Jagger. Forums are ablaze with messages like, “Luigi, I know you’ve made mistakes, but you’re a misunderstood soul,” and, “If only I could be the one to heal you!” This man, locked up for the foreseeable future, is living out the fantasies most guys wouldn’t dare to whisper.
But let me ask you this: what have you done for the world? You’re not a Robin Hood, stealing from the rich to give to the poor. You’re not even an outlaw with a bad-boy streak. You’re the guy swiping on dating apps, wondering why your third Hinge match ghosted you after you tried to be clever with a pizza pun.
Luigi? He’s pulling women while confined to a 10x10 cell. And here’s the kicker — he’s not even trying. While you’re debating whether to double-text, he’s got women mailing him racy photos, slipping love notes into the system, and lining up for visitation just to get a glimpse of his sly grin. You can’t compete with a man who’s become a myth.
And it’s not just Luigi. Let’s take a walk down memory lane, shall we? The Menendez brothers — yes, those Menendez brothers — didn’t just kill their parents; they managed to tie the knot while locked away. Lyle got married twice in prison. Twice! Imagine the confidence of a guy who says, “Sure, I can get married again, even after what I did.” Women flocked to them, convinced they could see the innocence beneath the crime.
Women came to the prison gates, ready to offer more than just sympathy. Some brought love. Some brought their bodies. All were captivated by the same thing: danger, charisma, and the allure of forbidden territory. Because let’s face it — there’s something about a man who’s untouchable that makes him irresistible. It’s primal, it’s psychological, and it’s driving women wild.
Meanwhile, you’re out here living free, with all the opportunity in the world, and what do you have to show for it? An unopened message from someone whose bio says, “Not looking for anything serious.”
Luigi doesn’t need Bumble or Tinder. He’s got women doing mental gymnastics to justify why he’s their one true love. And you? Well, maybe it’s time to rethink your strategy. Because while Luigi’s behind bars, he’s still miles ahead of you. And that’s something worth sitting with.
Doc
P.S. I’d probably take that short Italian for a ride with my strap-on, making him lick it first while I whispered in his ear. Just another MK Ultra conquest to add to the collection.
