On Dating Jerks And Why I’m Going Way Younger From Now On…

5 min readOct 7, 2024

I had a long conversation with my friend Ed tonight about everything going on in my life. Together, we came to two important realizations: first, that people need to understand I deserve respect, and second, that I am worthy of that respect.

My career tends to push people into confronting their own sense of morality, especially when it comes to sexual morality. It brings out a lot of their hang-ups.

For years, I’ve been dealing with nothing but users, jerks, and men so caught up in their own problems that they can’t spare a thought for anyone else.

It’s mind-blowing. Most of them are so wrapped up in their own twisted desires that they don’t seem to care about another human being at all.

I told one idiot over and over — twice, in person — that I was recovering from a terminal illness, just got my PhD, and have owned an adult production company for nearly 20 years. But do you know what they hear? SEX.

It’s like I said some magic word.

Suddenly, all they care about is their fantasies. They don’t ask about my hobbies. They don’t even ask me to dinner, which is rare enough as it is. And yes, they cancel at the last minute with flimsy excuses. Are they hiding wives or children? Absolutely. Are they bitter and passive-aggressive because they’ve been through failed marriages? Of course.

I’ve been trying to understand why I keep attracting these types of people, so I’ve decided to take a step back, examine my own patterns, and finally let go of them. It’s time for a change.

From now on, I’m sticking to dating 20-year-olds. Anyone over 25 usually comes with so much baggage it feels like unpacking a cross-country U-Haul. I’m only interested in the young and impressionable. I have no desire for kids or a family, so why should I settle? I could snuggle up with an older, jaded man, or I could be with someone young, full of energy, and easy on the eyes. The choice is obvious.

Differences Between Men 45 and Older vs. Men Ages 21–25

1. Baggage and Emotional Luggage

Men 45+: Often carry emotional baggage from past relationships, divorces, and family responsibilities. They may have unresolved issues or bitterness, which can complicate new relationships.
Men 21–25: Generally have less emotional baggage. They are still exploring life and relationships, which makes interactions lighter and more straightforward.

2. Energy and Stamina

Men 45+: Energy levels can be lower due to age, work stress, and health concerns. They may not have the stamina for spontaneous adventures or a high-paced sex life.
Men 21–25: Typically have higher energy and stamina for activities, socializing, and sex. Their youthful vigor often translates into a more exciting and active lifestyle.

3. Open-Mindedness and Adaptability

Men 45+: More likely to be set in their ways, with established habits and views on life. Changing or exploring new ideas can be more challenging for them.
Men 21–25: More impressionable, open-minded, and adaptable. They are in a phase of life where they’re still learning and willing to explore new perspectives and experiences.

4. Sex Drive

Men 45+: May experience a decline in sex drive due to hormonal changes, stress, or health issues. Some may struggle with conditions like erectile dysfunction.
Men 21–25: Generally have a higher sex drive, thanks to peak testosterone levels. Their sexual energy and enthusiasm are often at their prime.

5. Physical Attractiveness

Men 45+: While some men age gracefully, others may struggle with physical signs of aging, including weight gain, hair loss, and reduced muscle tone.
Men 21–25: Typically in their physical prime, with a fit and youthful appearance. Their energy and physical condition can make them more visually appealing and desirable.

6. Level of Responsibility

Men 45+: Likely to have greater life responsibilities, such as children, ex-wives, demanding careers, or financial commitments. These factors can limit their availability and freedom.
Men 21–25: Usually have fewer responsibilities and commitments, allowing them to focus more on fun, relationships, and personal growth without the constraints of a more complex life.

7. Attitude Towards Life

Men 45+: May become jaded or cynical due to past life experiences. They may approach relationships with caution or skepticism, potentially making them guarded or less open.
Men 21–25: Often optimistic, curious, and eager to explore life’s possibilities. Their youthful enthusiasm can create a more vibrant and carefree dynamic in relationships.

8. Spontaneity and Fun

Men 45+: Their lifestyle may be more structured and predictable, often leaving less room for spontaneity or adventure. Responsibilities can make it harder for them to drop everything and have fun.
Men 21–25: More spontaneous and adventurous, ready to embrace new experiences without much planning. This free-spirited nature can make relationships more exciting and fun.

9. Financial Expectations

Men 45+: Might have financial complexities, including alimony, child support, or long-term investments. They could either expect to take the financial lead in a relationship or, conversely, seek financial support.
Men 21–25: Generally do not come with complex financial baggage. They often do not expect their partner to fulfill financial needs, leading to a more casual, carefree dynamic.

10. Ease of Influence

Men 45+: With decades of life experience, they are less easily influenced and may resist change or new ideas. They may prefer relationships that fit into their established worldview.
Men 21–25: More impressionable and open to learning. They are still forming their identities and are often more willing to explore and adopt new behaviors or perspectives.

11. Interest in Commitment

Men 45+: Often seek commitment or have specific expectations about the nature of a relationship. They may be looking for stability, a life partner, or someone to share their existing lifestyle.
Men 21–25: Less likely to push for long-term commitment and more open to casual, low-pressure relationships. This aligns well if the goal is to keep things light and without strings attached.

12. Health and Wellness

Men 45+: May experience various health issues, ranging from chronic conditions to age-related concerns. This can impact their lifestyle, energy levels, and sexual health.
Men 21–25: Generally healthier and less prone to age-related ailments. Their physical health often contributes to a more active and enjoyable relationship.

Overall, younger men offer a fresh, vibrant perspective on life that contrasts sharply with the more settled, often complicated nature of older men. Their spontaneity, high energy, and lower levels of baggage can create a more dynamic and less burdensome relationship.