On Why Women Walk Away From Submissive Men and Why These Relationships Often Fall Apart…BUT YOU CAN FIX IT!
This is the most fitting metaphor I can think of, and I hope some of you will truly understand it…
Dating men, who think they’re submissive but want you to do acts of service for them, and bring out all their sex toys and show you like a little boy.
Then you say, “I will play with your toys, but you have to pick me flowers and look at me wide-eyed and hug me…” And they go, “Okay, so I play with toys now… you play with toys…” But they don’t pick you flowers… they don’t even give you a hug.
So you’re like, “Hey, I don’t want to play with you… I don’t get my hug. I don’t get the flowers you picked.” And they go, “But I showed you my toys…”
[Boy: Don’t you feel the same satisfaction I do? Just look at all those gadgets and gizmos… completely entranced by the devices, lost in their own pleasure. Self-absorbed.]
The girl stomps her foot and says, “I don’t care about your toys. I want flowers picked and hugs.”
[Girl: A sense of meaning, feeling wanted and desired, and establishing a connection. A purpose for their time together that is deeply heartfelt and, for some, spiritual.]
Then they still don’t get it because boys don’t listen when they’re in a self-induced trance playing with their toys. Frustrated, the girl leaves them, and they’re left playing alone at the park.
As time goes on, that toy becomes boring and old.
Suddenly, the boy realizes that the girl he went to the park with is nowhere in sight because she walked home, having given up on waiting for the flowers to be picked and the hugs.
He’s left clueless about what just happened, not understanding that the excitement of his toys can’t compare to the multi-faceted person he lost.
KEEP IN MIND: People are not just one thing; they are MULTIFACETED.
She may find the idea of a sex slave enticing, with mind-blowing sex, but she also craves a good man. You can have it all if you focus on calibrating your partner’s desires instead of being self-absorbed.
Pick her flowers and scatter them around your toys, hug her, and offer affirming words as she learns to perform the acts of service you desire. This will help reassure her that it’s okay to go further, to take you deeper, and to escalate the play.
Why do I use a metaphor about boys, toys and girls? Because the issues we face often stem from imprints left in childhood when we first learned about love and sex. We get triggered by things that aren’t real, shaped by past pain and rejection. Instead of viewing these experiences through an adult lens, we struggle to integrate the (gestalt) aspects of our childhood into a mature understanding of sex, often feeling pain, fear, and apprehension toward love and sexuality.
