“Romeo oh Romeo! A Guide to Dealing with a Persistent Phantom”

[The original question is at the bottom of the page]

Once upon a time, in a city not too far away, a woman met a man. He was charming, well-known (especially with the ladies), and seemed to be just the right amount of mysterious. Let’s call him “Romeo, the Unattainable.” Fast forward three years and Romeo has transformed into an uncanny phantom who haunts the edges of her life, driving past her house and sending acquaintances to spy on her social outings.

It’s like a real-life version of “Casper the Not-So-Friendly Ghost.”

Indeed, things could escalate to more distressing situations like facing unauthorized explicit content exposure, receiving ominous threats to your life, or dealing with breaches into your social media accounts leading to impersonation. I can empathize, having personally experienced these scenarios.

Well at least it’s not “Ghostbusters,” a petrifying phantom from another dimension deciding to take up residence in your refrigerator, turning every late night snack run into a frightful encounter.

Sometimes, life’s situations are so absurd that all we can do is laugh. Romeo is starting to sound like he’s an extended version of “Fast and Furious: Romeo’s Edition” where the objective is to drive past your house as many times as possible without getting caught.

The desire for something that one can’t have is a well-observed psychological phenomenon, often referred to as the “scarcity principle.”

This principle is seen in many aspects of human behavior, not just romantic relationships or seduction.

When something is scarce or hard to get, it’s often perceived as more valuable. This is a fundamental principle in economics and is often used in marketing strategies (think “limited time offer” or “while supplies last”). In the context of interpersonal relationships, a person might seem more attractive or desirable if they’re perceived as hard to get.

If Romeo likes driving past your house, why not give him something interesting to look at? Set up a mannequin that looks identical to him staring back at him. Or, better yet, set up a large sign that says, “Romeo, gas prices aren’t getting any cheaper!”

Out and about at a social gathering and feeling like you’re being spied on?

Recruit a friend and have them approach one of these acquaintances with a wild story about you. Maybe you’re training to become a nun, or you’ve taken up yodeling, or you’re planning to move to the Himalayas to study how remote tribes make love. Let’s see if Romeo can keep up with your fictional escapades!

Think about it this way: when you’re told not to push the big red button, it’s all you want to do, right? It’s the same principle at play here. Our Romeo, who prides himself on his charm, is suddenly faced with a lady who’s put up a big “no entry” sign. It’s less about his undying love for you and more about a bruised ego and potential grudges. But, let’s be real, if Romeo can’t even manage to have a mature conversation with you, he’s definitely not worth your clock’s ticks and tocks.

This scenario brings to mind the classic tale of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden which is now a psychological effect often seen in male bruised egos. They were surrounded by every delight imaginable, yet it was the one thing they couldn’t have — the forbidden fruit — that held an irresistible allure.

This could be a case of Romeo desiring what he can’t have, or even worse, bearing resentment towards it. But hey, who wants a Romeo who can’t handle rejection with grace? Not you, that’s for sure!

If you choose to reach out, it’s crucial to note that not all men are the same, and there’s a broad spectrum of personalities, behaviors, and reactions to expect when reaching out. However, if you’re referring to men who might react unpredictably or in a way that could exacerbate the situation, there are some strategies to consider.

If you decide to reach out, consider doing so in a neutral, public place. This could help defuse potential tension.

If your goal is to reconnect without accusing him or directly addressing the behavior, you could consider an approach focused on general well-being.

Here’s an example:

“Hi,

It’s been a while, and I thought I’d check in to see how you’re doing. Life has its ups and downs, and sometimes it’s nice to know that someone is thinking of us, especially during challenging times. I hope you’ve been well and things are going smoothly for you.

Take care,”

This approach keeps the focus on his well-being and doesn’t mention the concerning behaviors. It’s also a potential starting point for further communication if he responds positively. However, please remember to prioritize your own safety and comfort when deciding to reach out.

Best of luck.

Good evening Dr. Kali DuBois. I have a question that maybe you may have insight on and if you do I’d love to hear your spin on things. 3 years ago I met this man. We texted 2 months everyday before we actually met. We both live in the same city. After 2 months of texting, i agreed to meet him. I liked what i saw, and we started an intimate relationship. It was 6 times of mutually meeting for sex rendezvous’ at my home. However i ended it abruptly and we ended up blocking each other, this because he had a girlfriend he lived with, wasn’t married. He’s been married 2x previous and had 4 grown children. …..However, Ive never talked to him again but within these 3 years he drives past my home continuously, several times a day at times. Ive also noticed that if im out socially, i recognize acquaintances of his around me in bars almost like they are spying but i dont no thst for sure, going by my gut instincts. He has never approached me, or made contact in these 3 years. In these 3 years ive actually seen him stop close by my house and stares at it or me in my yard. I’ve seen him drive by certain places im visiting before, not all the time but it’s like he’s watching, but i dont fear him whatsoever. He is well known here- especially with many women, a player of sorts i guess . After 3 years, i wonder is this a fetish or kink, does he like to look at me or watch thinking im unaware, remembering intimate things? Maybe im not the only woman he does it too he’s known? Or do you think he has prior abandonment issues ? Im just trying to figure it out. Also, i sensed no violent issues with him and im sure if he was his previous relationships or women he’s had would exploit that, hes actually very well liked.. I just dont understand it. I think it must be sexual in nature or do you just think he’ liked me more than what i thought ? I mean 3 years is a long time to be watching me. What do u say ?