Setting the stage, planting the seed, and letting her come to the conclusion on her own…Indirect framing.

Let’s cut to the chase. You want to get your wife in the mood, but saying, “Hey, wanna fuck?” probably won’t get you anywhere. In fact, it’s a one-way ticket to a rejection, wrapped in an eye-roll. But what if I told you there’s a way to get her thinking about sex without you having to be obvious or awkward about it? Welcome to indirect framing, my friend. The sexiest way to get her in the mood without even mentioning sex.

Some people just don’t get it.

Allow me to explain how one person did not get it.

This guy tried to sell me on a free trip to Kona, like that would impress me. I’m 40, a doctor, an investor, and I run multiple companies. I get my kicks running my dungeon, not lounging on some beach. Kona? Please. If you’re supposed to be at the dungeon, you show up at the dungeon, not flake out with some lame invite. You want to impress me? Show up so I can make you suffer. That’s how I get off. If I’m hitting the beach, I’m going alone.

Now that is a beautiful indirect frame. It shows exactly who I am. I don’t tolerate lame excuses, I’m not some beach bunny escort, and I’m focused on making money for myself and really, for my employees (that have families). Don’t show up to the dungeon? You forfeit everything. At least now you know who you’re dealing with.

Now let’s get back to indirect framing.

Indirect framing is like a magic trick. Instead of asking for what you want and getting the cold shoulder, you plant the idea, tease her imagination, and — wait for it — let her think it was her idea all along. She’ll be in the mood, and you’ll look like a genius.

If direct framing is like waving a giant neon sign that says, “Let’s have sex,” and hoping for the best (which, spoiler: usually ends with you watching Netflix alone), indirect framing is like whispering sweet nothings that make her think, Hmmm… maybe I do feel like getting a little closer tonight. It’s about setting the scene and letting her mind wander to the fun part, without being pushy.

Here’s the thing: people don’t like being told what to do, especially when it comes to something intimate. But indirect framing? It’s smooth. It’s subtle. It makes her want it — without you having to beg. Let’s look at how to use it to get your wife in the mood.

Instead of saying, “Hey, wanna fool around?” (yawn), start with a little storytelling. Not about sex directly, but something that hints at intimacy and closeness. The goal is to remind her of a moment that felt good and let her connect the dots.

• Wrong Way (Direct Framing): “We should have sex tonight.”
• Right Way (Indirect Framing): “You know, I was just thinking about that night we were curled up together, just us, with no distractions. It felt so good having you close. Remember that?”

What you’ve done here is trigger a memory of feeling connected and cozy — without saying anything about sex. But guess what? Now she’s remembering how good it felt to be close to you, and that’s a step in the right direction.

Tease Her Imagination with a “What If”

People love hypotheticals. A good “what if” question gets the imagination going without pressure. It’s playful, it’s low-key, and it opens up possibilities without making any demands.

• Wrong Way (Direct Framing): “Are you in the mood?”
• Right Way (Indirect Framing): “What if, after the kids are in bed, we just took a little time for us? No phones, no distractions. Just us, like back in the day.”

See what happened there? You didn’t ask for sex. You asked for time together. But she knows what that means, and her mind is already wandering down that road. She’s imagining the quiet, the closeness — and maybe more.

Make It All About Her (Hint: She’ll Make It About You)

The key to winning in the bedroom is to make her feel like the star of the show. When you make her feel special, relaxed, and cared for, you’ve set the stage for things to heat up. And the beauty of indirect framing? You don’t even have to mention what you want.

• Wrong Way (Direct Framing): “I’m in the mood, are you?”
• Right Way (Indirect Framing): “I know you’ve had a long day. Why don’t we relax tonight, just the two of us? I’ll make sure you’re totally taken care of.”

You’ve just made it sound like you’re offering a mini-vacation, not a booty call. And when she feels pampered, she’ll be more likely to get in the mood — and want to take care of you, too. It’s the ultimate win-win.

Turn Everyday Moments Into Flirty Teasers

You don’t have to wait for candlelight and soft music to get her thinking. Use everyday moments to drop a little playful hint without being obvious.

• Wrong Way (Direct Framing): “Want to fool around later?”
• Right Way (Indirect Framing): While doing something boring like folding laundry, say, “You know, I was thinking… it’s been a while since we’ve had some time alone. Maybe we should fix that soon.”

She’s not expecting you to get flirty while folding socks, but that’s the point. You’re taking an ordinary moment and giving it a twist. Now she’s thinking, Yeah, we should fix that — and suddenly, laundry doesn’t seem so dull.

Get Playful with FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)

Ah, the good ol’ Fear of Missing Out. It’s not just for social media — it works in the bedroom, too. Nobody wants to feel like they’re missing out on something good, and you can use that to your advantage.

• Wrong Way (Direct Framing): “Come on, let’s do it.”
• Right Way (Indirect Framing): “You know, we’ve been so busy lately, I feel like we haven’t had a chance to really connect. We’re overdue for a little fun, don’t you think?”

You’re not begging, you’re reminding her that the two of you deserve a little fun. And once she’s thinking about how long it’s been since you connected, she’s more likely to want to fix that tonight.

Here’s the bottom line: if you want to get your wife in the mood without getting a “Not tonight” brush-off, you need to play the long game. Indirect framing is all about setting the stage, planting the seed, and letting her come to the conclusion on her own. Be playful, be subtle, and focus on making her feel good. And when she’s feeling taken care of, desired, and relaxed, guess what? You’re going to get what you want, too.

So stop asking, start suggesting, and let her imagination do the work for you. Trust me, it’s way more fun — and a hell of a lot more successful.