Shattering Sexual Realities [NLP META Model]
Pride and joy and greed and sex
That’s what makes our town the best
Pride and joy and dirty dreams and still surviving on the street
and look at me, i’m in tatters, yeah
I’ve been battered, what does it matter
does it matter, uh-huh
— Rolling Stones
The Meta Model in NLP is a powerful tool for challenging and clarifying language, beliefs, and perceptions. By using these questions, you can help someone break free from limiting or unrealistic sexual fantasies and explore new, more empowering perspectives.
Here’s how you can use Meta Model questions to shatter someone’s sexual fantasies:
Key Meta Model Questions and Applications
Distortions:
Mind Reading: Assuming you know what someone else is thinking or feeling.
Question: “How do you know that?”
Example: “You think my fantasies are weird.”
Response: “How do you know what I’m thinking or feeling about your fantasies?”
Cause and Effect: Believing that one thing directly causes another.
Question: “What makes you believe that?”
Example: “If I share my fantasies, you will judge me.”
Response: “What makes you believe that sharing your fantasies will lead to judgment?”
Complex Equivalence: Equating two different experiences as the same.
Question: “How are these two things related?”
Example: “If my fantasies aren’t fulfilled, I can’t be satisfied.”
Response: “How does not fulfilling a fantasy equate to overall dissatisfaction?”
Generalizations:
Universal Quantifiers: Using words like “always,” “never,” “everyone,” “no one.”
Question: “Always? Never? Can you think of an exception?”
Example: “My fantasies never come true.”
Response: “Never? Can you think of a time when one of your fantasies did come true?”
Modal Operators of Necessity: Statements of necessity or impossibility.
Question: “What would happen if you did?”
Example: “I must keep my fantasies to myself.”
Response: “What would happen if you shared your fantasies?”
Deletions:
Nominalizations: Turning verbs into nouns, making processes seem static.
Question: “How specifically?”
Example: “Our intimacy lacks excitement.”
Response: “How specifically does our intimacy lack excitement?”
Unspecified Verbs: Vague verbs that lack specificity.
Question: “How specifically?”
Example: “You don’t fulfill my fantasies.”
Response: “How specifically do I not fulfill your fantasies?”
Comparative Deletions: Comparisons without a clear reference.
Question: “Compared to what?”
Example: “Our sex life is less exciting.”
Response: “Less exciting compared to what or when?”
Lost Performative:
Value Judgments: Statements of value without a clear source.
Question: “According to whom?”
Example: “Fantasies should always be wild and adventurous.”
Response: “According to whom should fantasies always be wild and adventurous?”
Practical Application
Scenario: Addressing a Limiting Sexual Fantasy
Identifying the Fantasy:
Your partner says, “I believe my sexual fantasies should always come true, or I’ll never be satisfied.”
Using Meta Model Questions:
Universal Quantifier:
Question: “Always? Can you think of a time when you were satisfied even if a fantasy didn’t come true?”
Lost Performative:
Question: “According to whom should all sexual fantasies come true?”
Complex Equivalence:
Question: “How does not fulfilling a fantasy mean you’ll never be satisfied?”
Breaking Down the Fantasy:
Partner: “I read that fulfilling all sexual fantasies leads to ultimate satisfaction.”
Distortion — Cause and Effect:
Question: “What makes you believe that fulfilling all fantasies directly causes ultimate satisfaction?”
Reframing the Fantasy:
- Encourage your partner to see that satisfaction can come from various experiences, not just from fulfilling every fantasy.
By using Meta Model questions, you can effectively challenge and dismantle limiting or unrealistic sexual fantasies. This process involves identifying distortions, generalizations, and deletions in their language, and asking targeted questions to clarify and reframe their perceptions. This approach helps individuals explore new, more balanced perspectives on sexual fantasies and satisfaction.
