They’re Gone For A Reason (NLP Break Up Pattern)

There comes a point when the hurt becomes too much, and you need to move on. I see this with my friend Dave, who’s stuck on one woman. I’m not immune either — my last sub (I really liked this guy…he lit a torch in me that had been dormant for many years) and I recently parted ways. It was fast, he came in fast and he left fast. And that is okay. Remember all scenarios are okay. There is no right or wrong way to how things are to end.

But what is vulnerability if not a form of power? If you can’t show someone who you really are and how you feel, they’re only capable of having surface-level interactions. Is that what you want? Surface-level? How do you think your scene work will be if it’s purely transactional? Pretty contrived and plastic, in my opinion.

Think about it — the number of people in the world compared to the one person you’re hung up on. Sometimes you hope they’ll come around, and they don’t. You run patterns and games, and they still don’t come back. That’s because it’s not meant to be. Moving on is tough, but it’s necessary for real growth and authentic connections.

This NLP technique is for you, Dave. My friend had to hang up on Tamara — a woman who will never change. Her trauma is hers to fix, not yours. Men often want to fix things and find solutions, but sometimes there isn’t one. In this case, Dave, the best solution is to walk away and bring new people into your life. When Richard Bandler’s wife, Leslie, divorced him and took half his income, he went on over 100 dates, adopting the mantra, “Next.” So, how can you use this approach today to help you move on from people who no longer serve you?

NLP Technique: Dissociation and Anchoring

Dissociation:

• Close your eyes and imagine the person you’re stuck on. See them in as much detail as possible.
• Now, imagine watching yourself from a distance, as if you’re a spectator. This helps create emotional distance.
• Gradually, push the image of that person further away from you. Make the image smaller, less colorful, and less vivid. Turn down the volume of any sounds associated with them.

Reframe:

• Think about the negative aspects of the relationship and the reasons why it ended. Focus on how you felt during the worst moments.
• Now, overlay those negative feelings onto the image you’ve distanced. This reinforces why moving on is necessary.

Create a Positive Anchor:

• Think of a time when you felt completely in control, powerful, and confident.
• Choose a physical gesture (e.g., pressing your thumb and forefinger together) and relive that positive moment as intensely as you can. Feel the confidence and control flooding back into you.
• While feeling those positive emotions, perform the chosen gesture. This will create an anchor.

Break the Pattern:

Whenever thoughts of your ex or the past creep in, immediately use your positive anchor (press your thumb and forefinger together) and visualize your new, confident self.

Reinforce this by focusing on new goals, aspirations, and the exciting possibilities that lie ahead.

Reinforcement:

Daily Affirmations: Start each day by affirming your commitment to moving forward. “I am in control of my thoughts and emotions. I am focused on my future and open to new, positive experiences.”