Will Robot Husbands Solve The Dating Crisis?
The so-called Western dating crisis has condemned countless women to a solitary life in which they cannot experience the joy of having a husband who exists solely to feed and pleasure them.
In this post I’m going to explore how the terrifying epidemic of female loneliness could finally be solved if someone were to invent and sell robot husbands.
Well think about it for a moment, women can choose to program their husbands to whatever benchmark they can realistically achieve.
Sure, Nicole Kidman rocked it in “The Stepford Wives,” but let’s take a moment to envision replicas of peak Matrix-era Keanu Reeves.
Picture him in full-on BJJ mode, oozing charisma and skill. You just know there was something mighty impressive lurking beneath those shorts, itching to come out and play.
The future’s on its way, and soon enough, we might not need men at all. In our society, it could end with laboratories full of guys getting tapped for their sperm to create our offspring. Then, our very own Keanu Reeves doppelgänger husbands will stroll in, whip up dinner, and ask about our day like it’s just another Wednesday.
So, picture this: It’s my birthday, and instead of cake, I’m getting a round with this out-of-shape, busted-up BJJ dude. All I could think was, “Man, I should’ve just put a ring on him and called it a day.”
But nope, some guys out there are all about planting their seeds and then vanishing into the ether. I just wanted to bark, “Why aren’t you a dad yet, you fool?” Some dudes are just wired to be dads, y’know? And this non-dad? Well, he must’ve flubbed up big time to miss his shot at fathering a small army. But as I got to know him, it hit me: he’s got the follow through of a wet sock when it comes to the ladies. Total dud.
Over dinner, I casually dropped the question, “Do you shoot?” He responds by mimicking holding a camera with his hands. I shake my head, realizing then and there that this LA dude was never going to be dad material.
That’s when I decided, maybe it’s time to ditch the dating scene altogether and hop on the waiting list for a robot hubby.
Ever had one of those moments where you’re like, “That’s it, I’m done with men!” and then out of the blue, this hot older Jewish writer waltzes into your life, dropping lines like, “Kids? Nah, not my thing. Vasectomy? Done deal. And hey, if you’re into it, I’m game for some kinky fun.” And you find yourself thinking, “Why not? Bring on the super glue,” while your robot hubby peeks through the crack in the door, silently judging.
