“Women are afraid of being killed. Men are afraid of being laughed at…”

The quote is often attributed to Margaret Atwood, although its exact origin remains uncertain.

One in three women will experience sexual violence in their lifetime, a stark reflection of the global issue of gender-based violence.

Discussing the dating scene becomes even more critical in this context. Today, after conversations with three women, it’s clear that deceptive tactics are prevalent across all genders in dating.

Individuals often exaggerate, withhold information, or misrepresent themselves to appear more attractive or to align with what they perceive to be the desires of potential partners. This behavior underscores the complexity and urgency of addressing honesty and safety in interpersonal relationships.

I personally do not want abuse, and neither did the three other women. To me, abuse includes behaviors like gift-giving, which I see as a psychological tactic aimed at eliciting reciprocity. This could explain why some men feel frustrated when they pay for dinner and do not engage in sexual activity afterwards.

One of the women shared a frustrating experience where she was labeled as “crazy” for setting clear boundaries about her availability. She explained to someone that she had a career and responsibilities, making it impossible for her to just drop everything and travel across the world on a whim. Nearing 40, with debts and personal goals to focus on her own well-being, she found it unreasonable and irresponsible to be expected to chase after a man under such circumstances. The pressure and judgment she faced highlight the challenges women often encounter when they prioritize their own needs and ambitions.

Another woman faced an unsettling situation when a fan, whom she had never met in person, started sending her drawings of herself. Initially, she responded kindly, giving him the benefit of the doubt. However, as his behavior grew increasingly strange, she decided to distance herself. This incident underscored a harsh reality often faced by public figures: engaging personally with fans can lead to dangerous outcomes.

The social conditioning of women often emphasizes politeness and accommodating behavior, which can inadvertently lead to misunderstandings in interactions with men. Many women are taught from a young age that being polite and non-confrontational is the correct way to behave, even in uncomfortable situations. This expectation can result in men perceiving friendliness or courteous behavior as romantic or sexual interest, thus feeling “led on” when their expectations are not met.

Additionally, societal norms frequently discourage women from asserting themselves, especially in scenarios where a man’s actions may be predatory or his words don’t align with his behavior. Women are often advised to avoid confrontation for fear of escalating the situation or being labeled as difficult. This can place women in vulnerable positions, where they struggle to set clear boundaries or openly reject advances due to the pressure to maintain social decorum.

Men often struggle with processing and regulating their emotions due to societal expectations that encourage them to suppress their feelings. Traditionally, they are taught to internalize their emotions and maintain a stoic facade, a practice that can lead to harmful outcomes. This repression contributes to higher rates of suicide, alcoholism, and drug use among men compared to women. Addressing this issue requires a cultural shift that allows men to express their emotions healthily and seeks support without stigma.

Until these issues are addressed, women will continue to fear for their safety, while men will worry about being ridiculed.